'a strange fit of nervous restlessness'

'after dinner today I was seized with a strange fit of nervous restlessness such as I have never felt before. I should think it must have been something like the peculiar restlessness that comes shortly before death. I could not sit still or rest for a minute in any posture. the limbs all kept jumping and twitching and I should have liked to set to  run only I felt so weak and wretched... I got up and walked about but nowhere could I rest...'

kilvert on this day in 1872. (we can't leave him like this)

'after a while I fell asleep or dozed in my chair and afterwards I awoke better.'

oh dear horsemouth lost his temper the morning of the friday. (a friday the thirteenth lest we forget). it's the failure to go out bell-ringing and socialising. fortunately he got a lift back with the bus driver and they had a chat about music (so this cheered him up).

soon kilvert  will be applying to move from clyro. we have only a few months left. this could be what has been weighing on his mind. 

horsemouth has developed an interest in full moon swordsman - horsemouth doesn't understand if his signature move is a real physical effect or a supernatural effect (but it looks pretty cool). 

outside a bright sunny day (but cold). there's been a frost (hopefully the last one of the spring). no great plans for the day having delivered eggs, gone into the village and mucked out the hen shed yesterday. 

'I dread it yet I am drawn to it' (a gothic episode)

'rain was creeping over the hills from the west and blotting out the mountains. below lay the black and gloomy peat bog, the rhos goch, with the dark cold gleam of stagnant water among its mawn pits, the graves of the children.

this place has always had a strange singular irresistible fascination for me. I dread it yet I am drawn to it.'

- kilvert, on this day in 1872. 

tomorrow kilvert suffers 'a strange fit of nervous restlessness'. 

yesterday (the thursday) a rainy day (rain all day). horsemouth's mum went off in a car to purchase a particular plant for a particular aunt. 

today the weather looks like it will be decent. saturday the morning looks decent. from midweek next week it looks good.  

this is a relief frankly because the all rain days are hard on the soul.  horsemouth will wander in to ewyas harold to pick up the hereford times and up the hill to deliver some eggs. he may also muck out the chicken shed. there are things to be done but not quite enough things to be done (nor can they be done in an efficient manner). 

anyway. he's up. he's fed the chickens. 

things to do

in the churchyard at dore abbey a new bench. '212 souls'  a memorial to those who died at abbeydore workhouse in its near century of operations (1837-1930) and are buried in unmarked graves in the churchyard. 

at least that's the figure obtained from perusing the archives. (it could easily be more). 

yesterday horsemouth also went for a wander up on the common (though not up to its highest point due to the mud) and he delivered eggs. 

on the monday march 11th 1872 kilvert sees his love daisy and they have the chance to have a good chat but she talks of the dissenters stealing 3 bells from the 6 at llanigon church instead. (this seems to horsemouth quite a major undertaking). 

tomorrow a gothic episode.

in the morning grey skies and a cold wind. his mum is up early (citing 'things to do'). 

a grotesque boiling down

'he becomes a grotesque boiling down of all the preposterous characters he has ever impersonated' 

-  h.l. mencken.

horsemouth's reading of the dedalus book of dutch fantasy goes well 

he's on his fourth or fifth story having read aletrino's in the dark, jan arends' breakfast (where a crusty old gent in a retirement home turns into a monkey - temporarily), and asscher's the secret of dr. raoul sarrazin (spoiler: the secret is he has a library of blank books - very fashionable in these days of AI thievery). 

he should return to his sensible reading also (the portable hannah arendt). 

instead he sat out at the bench and listened to the world at one (on an old school (digital) radio).

at the moment horsemouth needs a number of things to get on. he needs sand and cement so he can fix the patio wall knocked over by the milkman, he needs more seeds and such like for the vegetable garden (peas, carrots etc.). the number of raised beds has been increased - these will be good for the kind of vegetables that have to be picked (peas etc.) rather than the kind of root vegetables that have to be dug up (carrots, potatoes). 

last year the marrows came to over dominate the garden. while it looked good neither horsemouth nor his mother particularly like marrows (and neither do any of the family). 

today it looks like decent weather (but hereafter it all goes to shit for a while). 

so far the morning looks pretty decent. 

in good news triple negative have a gig coming up. 

in bad news horsemouth has a cold. or rather,

 'at the moment horsemouth has what many casual observers would assume to be a ‘cold’ - dripping nose/ slight cough... in fact these minor ailments are on a timer.'

'because I have nothing to say...'

'just as people sometimes work because they are bored, I sometimes write because I have nothing to say...' - fernando pessoa, the book of disquiet, entry dated 10th march 1931.

this wednesday the recycling bin goes out. thursday the bells. 

this friday is a friday the 13th (and there's a dave webb technodub show). 

the weather does not improve until this saturday. it remaining rainy and grey throughout. 

this sunday is mothers' day. 

horsemouth has just (monday) lunched going into town, because he would probably only buy more books and he has enough already. he could do with reading more. he has the dedalus book of dutch fantasy and the portable hannah arendt to be getting on with for starters. 

something horsemouth wrote about another war  four years ago 

(with the names redacted to protect the guilty).

'meanwhile the news continues to be fucking terrible. the ________ of _________ continues, those who can, flee. there is a strong media push for us to cheer on the _________ers but horsemouth would point to grozny, fallujah, syria...

to horsemouth's way of thinking actual wars with bombs and guns are more often than not bad news for the working class (who get to fight and die, be bombed and be shot, but don't get to profit from the reconstruction contracts). 

horsemouth suspects that _____ is unable to solve _____'s real problem - the politico-economic problem  of how to integrate it into global capitalism while still maintaining his rule, and so has adopted fighting wars as a means to stabilise his regime. ___________ and its client states on its borders are stabilised by oil and gas revenues but the world is marching away from oil and gas and this war will accelerate that trend (and retard it at the same time). 

_____'s regime could fall - an actual war is a pretty desperate gamble...' 

2 years 9 months of trump's presidency to go

horsemouth's mum's house is heated with fuel oil. it is towards the end of winter and the tank is low. had prices not gone high (as a result of trump's adventure war in the straits of hormuz)  horsemouth would probably have filled it up a little just to cover water heating across summer. as it is horsemouth will try to get it to last out until the end of april. in the autumn he will come back for a refueling of the whole tank at whatever price needs to be paid . 

meanwhile this morning horsemouth dreamed of getting new fangled electronic tickets to a gig with howard. but also lethal, lethal and his two sisters. 

the sun has been up and bathed everything in a golden glow but now it is hidden behind the clouds. 

'it’s not like this war has started with the world in a settled place...'

- lord jim o'neill, the ex-chief economist of goldman sachs asset management (and former government adviser).

9th march kilvert goes fishing. 

on the 8th he was instructing the young when he was informed that on palm sunday  'jesus christ went up to heaven on an ass.' 

a month on and mandelson has his passport back (because he's not a flight risk). the whole epstein scandal (the oligarchy caught in the act being sleazy and corrupt) moves to the back of people's consciousness because there's a war going on. 

horsemouth listened to the LRB james butler, peter geoghegan and ethan shone discussion on it to remind himself what was going on (when it was going on). 

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it's another misty morning in the wilds. the chickens are out foraging (which is a good sign). horsemouth is quite tempted to go into town (just for something to do). he could do with picking up more seeds for the garden (for when the weather gets better). 

'I for one welcome the collapse of the two party regime...' (the caerphilly strategy)

kent brockman channel 5 news (last known sighting)

the moment of danger when material long supressed in political debate reaches the surface 

in london two prominent council bods have defected from labour to reform. robin wales and clive furness. 

reading the clive furness piece is instructive. 

horsemouth doesn't see that as a program capable of winning office in newham (getting a lot of votes from the disgruntled yes, winning office no). 

like gorton and denton newham has a sufficient ethnic population unlikely to warm to reform's message to make electoral success there unlikely. it's not that people from ethnic minorities don't vote for reform (or become reform politicians) it is just that they are less likely to do so. 

but then the election is a four-way split making it harder to predict (greens - independents - reform - labour residual). 

both greens and reform have a lack of in office experience but 'hiring in' expertise from the previous regime does not look insurgent - it makes reform look complicit with the sins and inefficiencies of the past (before they get to commit their own).  

what the collapse of the two party system does is make any elections more representative (in that propositions formerly outside the mainstream - from the left, from the right, are now votable on) but also less representative (because it's now even more of a three plus way split rather than a straight choice between two opposing propositions).

of course just because something is voted for this doesn't mean it will actually happen - electoral arithmetic, bureaucratic inertia, vested interests, the 'deep state' etc. all can conspire to prevent people's deepest wishes being fulfilled  (and even then just because something voted for happens it doesn't mean it is good for the people who voted for it).  

out here in the wilds horsemouth's strategy will be the caerphilly strategy - voting to keep reform out. he thinks that there is a limit on reform's support set by nigel farage's personal popularity above which it cannot easily go. 

horsemouth was surprised when the greens took north herefordshire. he was surprised (when looking at the results from the last general election in herefordshire south) how well labour had done (they had come close to taking south herefordshire) but they won't be doing that this time horsemouth supposes. 

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it's a grey morning. from here on in a written in the morning blogpost. 

he was reading his blogposts from back in 2020 (the pandemic year). the heartwarming season ending montages, the sudden appreciation of neglected books. he was on a roll (rather than just rolling the rock).  he has started on the dedalus book of dutch fantasy. 

right now it seems doubtful the sun can break through the mist. (but it will).