boris was sent by god! (why, had he run out of locusts?)

donald trump has departed in a snit with all the other boys laughing at him in the lower sixth common room (but they’ll be laughing on the other side of their faces if trump gets a second term - which he probably will).

of course that little sneak boris should have stuck by him (seeing as he’s leaving the gang) but there he is snickering away with the french boys (trudeau and macron). you didn’t know boris spoke french? (from his grandmother).

the ‘birthers’ continue to point out that boris was born in new york.

but our boris (to quote wikipedia) is even more exotic than that, he's the grandson of ‘Osman Kemal (later Wilfred Johnson) and Irene Williams (daughter of Stanley Fred Williams of Bromley, Kent, and Marie Louise de Pfeffel). ... Osman's Anglo-Swiss mother Winifred Brun died shortly after giving birth. Ali Kemal returned to Turkey in 1912, whereafter Osman Wilfred and his sister Selma were brought up by their English grandmother, Margaret Brun, and took her maiden name, Johnson...

stanley johnson (boris’s father - conservstive MP and sometime world bank population wonk, you know, the annoying one who thinks that being able to spell pinocchio is a matter of importance), his maternal grandmother's parents were hubert freiherr von pfeffel (born in munich on 8 december 1843) and... hélène arnous-rivière (born on 14 january 1862).’ in other words boris is as perfect a european as you could wish for.

yes that’s right boris ‘millions of turks’ de pfeffel johnson is as perfect a european as you could hope for.

boris has been passing as an englishman from a very young age (like his father before him). but really he’s like something out of a powell-pressburger movie. who knew that such creatures still existed? 

doubtless the box-set of his life will be made and we will all have the pleasure of watching it in our old ages. boris will be played by an up-and-coming comic actor, he will be played like a tussle-haired and on the go I claudius (crossed with up pompeii), crossed with yes minister crossed with house of cards.

 there is one more scene for certain to be played with boris. when his successors come for him with the knives (going ‘here piggy piggy’). will boris flee squealing through the sewers? or will he try to face them down with dignity? what will be his flash back to in his final seconds? will it be him on a box, as a child, giving a churchill speech?

 CUT

(you know they never liked you)