on work, writing and retirement reconsidered

horsemouth's basic plan is to abandon work and engage in a retirement where he does some writing (and some making of music).

this is a companion piece to horsemouth and work, and how it relates to his mental health. 

horsemouth has  seen creative writing taught, and while the teachers were good (francis spufford was one) not much was really going on beyond show and tell/ each one teach one. the students would workshop their existing work and feign interest in the work of others. it was interesting that this feigning was all it took to draw people out. 

retirement suits some people and not others - horsemouth's dad always claimed to hate his job and so (seemingly) soon adjusted to just pottering round the garden, fixing cars and an endless round of DIY. his mum (who was a teacher and found a lot of validation in her work) found it more difficult. 

montaigne is in many ways horsemouth's guide. montaigne found retirement difficult (rousseau also). 

the problem horsemouth has with writing anything longform these days is sitting down and doing the reading and the writing to produce a concentrated text (rather than just blithering away like he is doing at the moment). there was a period where he was writing stuff for mute  this he remembers fondly - it was less that they paid (they didn't pay very much) but that they'd asked, his opinion was being sought. this gave him permission to write (the writing was thus work because it was being paid for). 

however when they stopped paying he stopped writing (this was a mistake). 

there is a tension between work towards a goal and freely chosen activity but there is a tension within freely chosen activity too - that of its purposelessness. we are trained (by life and capitalism) to look for work (for activity with a purpose) the notion that activity might not have a purpose (that it might be 'just for fun') is distinctly worrying. it feels like a waste. like something we might have to pay for later. 

there is of course nothing other than inertia preventing horsemouth for choosing a topic and sitting down to write once again. (or for that matter horsemouth picking up one of the guitars and making an effort to learn something).

of course horsemouth gets up in the morning to write this (this is his routine). bergman speaks of the importance of having a routine (bergman writes in the morning and goes for walks, at 3pm the housekeeper comes round and bergman starts watching movies). 

the drug that enables horsemouth's writing is coffee (when he has finished writing he will have breakfast (a bowl of museli) and swap onto the tea). 

the problem is what to do with the rest of the day. horsemouth breaks up the day with walking or perhaps a little shopping. the important thing is to get him off the computer (to stop him farting about on facebook) and onto his diary and the book he happens to be reading. the summer makes this easier - he will pause on his walk to read or he will sunbathe in the back garden. the world at one is quite important in that it breaks up the day (on saturday he misses it).

a walking diary

thursday wetlands cafe  5-6 miles

wednesday shopping aldi 4 miles

monday shopping asda  4 miles

friday (13th) walthamstow st. james' st. (book shopping oxfam etc.) 5 miles

thursday (12th) walk down canal to opposite the dome 5 miles 

monday 9th walthamstow st. james' st. 5 miles

(any child minding 1.8 miles minimum)

there and back again by shanks's pony (when horsemouth wrote his appreciation of work he failed to mention the walking of  at least 2 miles a day that it entailed)

when the clock clicks onto 6pm horsemouth is done and saved, the time is no longer work time and horsemouth is free to enjoy it without feeling that he should be making good use of it (he cannot really waste it because it is free time). 

'one night I was alone watching a documentary on bergman. he was talking about ghosts and sitting in his kitchen. exactly where I was sitting! I freaked out, and fled to a B&B...'

so says a woman film director who was staying in his house on faro (as haunted a spot as one could wish for). 

last night horsemouth watched a little of my diner with andre. he will postpone discussing it until he has finished it. then the terror: infamy. then bed. in the day he finished off reading canal dreams  and went for a brief walk in the rain..