maybe there is no more than this (mishima day)

'utter despair, impossible to pull myself together; only when I have become satisfied with my suffering can I stop.' - kafka, diaries, 25th november 1914. 

thoughtfully max brod gives us no more than this (or maybe there is no more than this). 

horsemouth just spent some time reading (and copying into his physical diary) bits of quotes from kafka's diaries (in so far as kafka wrote them and max brod gave them to us). on the relevant dates he is finished out until the 31st of december. 

writing in further quotes from kafka will have to wait until he gets a diary for 2024 (remember he already has a diary for 2027 - it is one from 2021). 

it is (the saturday 25th november) mishima day - the anniversary of yukio mishima's attempted coup d'etat  and death. horsemouth had a copy of his trilogy but he returned it to the bookboxes because he thought he was moving and couldn't face moving it (and a ton of other books). 

on the whole horsemouth is fairly cheerful in himself. tomorrow the abbey rota ends. horsemouth has forgotten to go most mornings and had to be reminded. such is the strength of his morning ritual. (just to be extra confusing he types most of this in the day before). 

horsemouth has realised that the dates do not add up on his blogging timetable and he is going to have to reconstruct it. he has been blogging on blogger since june 2013 (that reminds him he should do an update on his musical history june 2013 to june 2023). he began by blogging way before this on my space (november 2006 he thinks) and latter mixed it with blogging on facebook.  

it soon became a daily enterprise (because he enjoys it). 

remind horsemouth that at ten to four he's got to go down and close up the abbey. in a way he would like that time to move forward so that he could go and be useful. (he's just gone and been useful though whether it will be hailed as such remains to be seen). ok he's done the abbey (it is now the evening). now you have to remind him that he needs to go do it in the morning. 

there is consternation round a particular date but before that date there must be an x-ray and if the x-ray cannot be taken in time before that date  then that date will have to move. so horsemouth hopes there may be no consternation.  if there is to be consternation horsemouth is determined to get what he wants. 

he's up. it's a frosty morning. frosty and clear up into the skies (and thus cold).  looks like horsemouth is up here for the next two weeks then back to london for a week (to see lankum play and meet up with friends). his brother, wife and both kids are here now having gone shopping in abergavenny yesterday. they are off to a gardening centre today to pick a shrub/ tree to go on the spot where they will scatter dad's ashes.  it's not the most propitious time of year to be planting things etc. (we are rolling up on minimum daylight). but soon we will be climbing up the long dark tunnel into spring.