ok it's not even 9.30 and horsemouth has completed all his tasks for the day and accidentally deleted all the texts from his phone (again).
he barely understands or uses his phone and it's a solid pre-historic brick.
horsemouth is praying for the landline not to go. someone is in hospital and if the phone goes it's probably bad news. no news is probably good news. mornings he thinks of as dangerous times. mornings and weekends.
meanwhile his mum is due down the doctor's again on friday (which will be today when you read this).
meanwhile rain (so horsemouth is excused watering).
later he went out for a walk on the common. he was on his way back when it started raining. he could hear the water gurgling in the water butts (which is a good sign).
horsemouth is feeling anxious
why is horsemouth feeling anxious?
his anxiety is mostly social anxiety - that he will have to go somewhere and do something and there will be people there and then…
having moved to the wild, he has less social interaction with people and thus less practice at doing it, and so the less he is reassured by the banality of most interaction.
he’s getting on for three years of life in the wild (there was a fair amount of back and fore for the first two and a half years).
musical endeavour
even though horsemouth was mostly a solo folk guitarist in the wen there was still a community of musicians, singers and players and gigs to go to. but to be fair this route has been largely blocked off for the last 5 years. horsemouth (or musicians of bremen) has managed about one gig a year since the covid pandemic and a handful of jams.
he has (it is true) learned new songs but he has made little effort to write new songs. a brace of new songs from four years ago sit on soundcloud undeveloped.
broadly horsemouth is out of the old thing but he’s not into the new thing
last night he watched trois hommes a abattre (1980 jacques deray) an alain delon vanity project. a beautiful morning outside. horsemouth is contemplating activity.
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