so horsemouth is gone (just imagine that). how will he be remembered? a doughty warrior for social justice? an annoying dilettante and drone? mostly harmless?
you will decide and he will no longer be there to importune you to listen to his music or share his literary enthusiasms or political outrages.
he will leave his writing and his songs and mixes stored on digital platforms (digital platforms that that will no doubt become deserted zombie -infested shopping malls within a decade). there will be a few CDs remaining, a box full of unrevealing diaries.
eight years ago horsemouth was celebrating because 6 years worth of his old style myspace blogs had been ransomed and returned to him (having been disappeared by them without warning one fine morning a year before). now it sits as a zip file on an old disused computer (the netbook) and as an attachment in email account.
horsemouth's great library of alexandria he is already thinking about dispersing - he needs to get more mobile. it's a pity. his room looks great again. this time it is very cosy (like mole's houses in wind in the willows).
a year ago he was watching ingmar bergman, two years ago reading duras and bukowski, three years ago reading the journal of a victorian poacher, four years ago he was beset by his anxieties.
last night horsemouth was beset by his anxieties but also his rages. a woman is charged with murder (she has stabbed her husband to death and left him to die in the kitchen) 'I am charging you with murder.' 'oh good.' she replies. this is what sealed her fate. refusing to apologise or show any contrition. horsemouth recognises this rage and frustration.
in general though horsemouth's strategy is to avoid people who want to play life's dramas turned up to 11. if someone annoys you or is rude to you move out of their way. step to the side. both the wife and the husband had the chance to save themselves simply by moving away and embracing poverty and loneliness. for horsemouth passion is akin to madness.
as he noted 6 years ago: 'horsemouth has more respect for self-control than he does for rage but he cannot always do it. he cannot always rein it in and yet he does.'
he respects people who can throw down. he's always found it difficult and he's never been any good at it. so he tries not to.
if horsemouth is honest with you he is finding his life of leisure difficult (mind you he found working difficult as well). this was the pattern last time he tried it. as long as he had (voluntary) work he was fine when he decided to give that up things became difficult.
once again, and the thought has occurred to him before, horsemouth is thinking about getting shot of some tasks. he needs to complete his pre-retirement checklist (making sure he can get at all his savings would be number one). this will tell him how quickly he needs to move.
as you can see his thinking is a bit inconsistent.
today howard comes round to borrow the resonator. he has used it on one tune and likes the sound of it. (it does sound good horsemouth has to admit). horsemouth could have taken it out there but he thinks it is important to let howard get on with writing playing and singing the tunes to his own satisfaction without horsemouth sticking his oar in. if there is work for horsemouth to do on them (and there may not be) it is better if he does it later rather than earlier. this laissez-faire strategy may not work for all the tunes (but it will work for most of them).
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