Tuesday 30 November 2021

on postponement

horsemouth sleeps under a sleeping bag (the zip on which is broken) and a light (11 tog) summer duvet with a flowery pattern on it. in bed he normally wears a t-shirt and a fleece in winter (and underwear for his nether regions). he has difficulty getting the sleeping temperature correct - he is either too hot or too cold, he is seldom, like baby-bear's porridge, just right. 

in the bad old days an alarm would go off in the morning (for many years the ganesha alarm clock but in later years just his mobile phone). for many years horsemouth's first word of the day was 'fuck' or his first thought would be 'who's phoning me at this hour?' 

one problem with not heating the house so well  (leaving aside the fact that it is cheaper to do) is that horsemouth wakes up earlier. he also persists longer in a semi-waking state before this (and this is when the difficult memories come and assail him).

eventually these difficult memories drive goads into his flesh until he needs must rise.

now you may well argue that seeing as the mule is a lazy beast that it is good that he is up early, even or indeed especially, because he doesn't have to work then the least he can do is not be comfortable. 

if this is your view you have your wish. 

horsemouth is now up. he's got his second jumper, trousers and socks on. currently he types this sat up cross-legged in bed with the sleeping bag over his knees. he has his cup of coffee and is about to sneak a second seeing as sten is either not up or is out of the house already. 

he is now writing the blog post for the day. this is probably the most fun he will have, he is getting to make sense. 

one of horsemouth's main defects is postponement. this is why he hasn't phoned you or sent you that CD. this is why he never calls round. this (no doubt helpful) thought occurred to him while he was sleeping (or on the edge of sleep). it then became a battle to remember it, not to lose it to the world of dreams. 

his postponement seldom rises to procrastination. with most tasks horsemouth is reliable and can get on with it. hell he likes having tasks and structure. he was for many years blessed with a show up, do the job, go home type of job, and this, for many years, felt successful. in comparison (and earlier) many of horsemouth's endeavours (larger scale projects) were not marked by success but (horsemouth thinks) by failure. 

horsemouth has one task of importance coming up  (a presentation). he is dreading it. there will be a vote which he would like to win. whether it will be live or on zoom is a moot point at the minute. live there is more chance for debate (but also more for conflict), on zoom it doesn't work so well (so there is less chance for debate and therefore for conflict). with more debate there is more chance of people's positions shifting and therefore a good result (maybe). 

instead of getting lost in the conflict (there has been rather a lot of conflict over the years) horsemouth hopes to try and present it as simply and directly as possible and conduct himself well. he is always a pessimist about these things. horsemouth has to learn to treat these things lightly. 

horsemouth would have liked more success but he was probably not the person to deliver it. he's not fleet enough of foot, he doesn't have the gift of the gab. 

last night horsemouth (having gonged down the heating - himself and ian were finding it excessive) retired to bed early (hell he tends to review most of the winter from bed). he watched a number of ghost stories (a BBC m.r. james ghost story at christmas the ash tree and an ITV imitator haunted - the ferryman).  he listened to some of jacken elswyth's latest mix (great as usual) and to some of his own 2021 golden glow mix. in the day he had been for two walks on the marshes (he will try and get in two more today). his health is returning. later maybe some babysitting. towards the end of the week he needs to go and chat to martin. 

yesterday he was getting into a premature summary of the year. it is good to remind himself that he gets up to stuff, that he gets things done. 



 



No comments:

Post a Comment