on rehearsal (yes. but what does horsemouth actually want?)

'... you ask me the secret. it has just one name: again.' - miroslav holub, ode to joy. 

if horsemouth has another character defect (we are sure he has many) it is a tendency to try to plan ahead. he tries to render the uncertain and dangerous future safe and predictable by having practiced extensively for it beforehand. of course this insane behaviour is not always a complete and utter waste of time (it just seems like it). 

circumstances conspired...

of course the question we need answered (ladies and gentlemen) is what does horsemouth actually want?

horsemouth is feeling more chipper than usual having done a spot of babysitting (it went well thanks for asking). it is nice to feel useful (and yet this is precisely the feeling horsemouth has decided to give up). 

horsemouth has been reading meirion bowen's biography (in the contemporary composers series) of michael tippett, it's a bit dull. duller (by far) than michael tippett's own account of himself (as collected in moving into aquarius). horsemouth walked up into walthamstow (up via the valley of the agapemonians, returning through the industrial estate) to raid the oxfam. the original owner has placed a newspaper clipping (a 70th birthday tribute by david cairns) in horsemouth's copy (oxfam £1). 

so who (or what) connects robert marsh (author of victorian egypto-shocker the beetle) with the inland waterways association? why it is robert marsh's relative robert aickman (himself a horror author and editor) and later influential figure in the revival of england's waterways. horsemouth watched his the hospice a few nights ago - he thinks it as that english take on the kafka-eque. 

it's a grey morning. in a bit horsemouth will resume his temporising behaviours - the radio news, the guardian, the world at one, an afternoon walk, the opening of the curtains in the living room. he has finished the coffee (he retains a vain hope there will be just a little left in the pot should he look - yes. result). tonight the rivals of sherlock holmes (then probably more michael tippett and robert aickman). 

he has reconstructed a list of songs horsemouth(folk) has already recorded that could be just copied to a CD (further copies burnt off and a cover made for it). perhaps 2022 will be the year for the release of historic horsemouth material. howard will probably release a solo album in summer (horsemouth thinks). horsemouth should woodshed up some new material so he is in a position to record (even if he is not sure where he would record). 

similarly he is constructing a list of tunes for his next golden glow mix (should that ever happen). 

something will come together when horsemouth puts his mind to it. 

on postponement

horsemouth sleeps under a sleeping bag (the zip on which is broken) and a light (11 tog) summer duvet with a flowery pattern on it. in bed he normally wears a t-shirt and a fleece in winter (and underwear for his nether regions). he has difficulty getting the sleeping temperature correct - he is either too hot or too cold, he is seldom, like baby-bear's porridge, just right. 

in the bad old days an alarm would go off in the morning (for many years the ganesha alarm clock but in later years just his mobile phone). for many years horsemouth's first word of the day was 'fuck' or his first thought would be 'who's phoning me at this hour?' 

one problem with not heating the house so well  (leaving aside the fact that it is cheaper to do) is that horsemouth wakes up earlier. he also persists longer in a semi-waking state before this (and this is when the difficult memories come and assail him).

eventually these difficult memories drive goads into his flesh until he needs must rise.

now you may well argue that seeing as the mule is a lazy beast that it is good that he is up early, even or indeed especially, because he doesn't have to work then the least he can do is not be comfortable. 

if this is your view you have your wish. 

horsemouth is now up. he's got his second jumper, trousers and socks on. currently he types this sat up cross-legged in bed with the sleeping bag over his knees. he has his cup of coffee and is about to sneak a second seeing as sten is either not up or is out of the house already. 

he is now writing the blog post for the day. this is probably the most fun he will have, he is getting to make sense. 

one of horsemouth's main defects is postponement. this is why he hasn't phoned you or sent you that CD. this is why he never calls round. this (no doubt helpful) thought occurred to him while he was sleeping (or on the edge of sleep). it then became a battle to remember it, not to lose it to the world of dreams. 

his postponement seldom rises to procrastination. with most tasks horsemouth is reliable and can get on with it. hell he likes having tasks and structure. he was for many years blessed with a show up, do the job, go home type of job, and this, for many years, felt successful. in comparison (and earlier) many of horsemouth's endeavours (larger scale projects) were not marked by success but (horsemouth thinks) by failure. 

horsemouth has one task of importance coming up  (a presentation). he is dreading it. there will be a vote which he would like to win. whether it will be live or on zoom is a moot point at the minute. live there is more chance for debate (but also more for conflict), on zoom it doesn't work so well (so there is less chance for debate and therefore for conflict). with more debate there is more chance of people's positions shifting and therefore a good result (maybe). 

instead of getting lost in the conflict (there has been rather a lot of conflict over the years) horsemouth hopes to try and present it as simply and directly as possible and conduct himself well. he is always a pessimist about these things. horsemouth has to learn to treat these things lightly. 

horsemouth would have liked more success but he was probably not the person to deliver it. he's not fleet enough of foot, he doesn't have the gift of the gab. 

last night horsemouth (having gonged down the heating - himself and ian were finding it excessive) retired to bed early (hell he tends to review most of the winter from bed). he watched a number of ghost stories (a BBC m.r. james ghost story at christmas the ash tree and an ITV imitator haunted - the ferryman).  he listened to some of jacken elswyth's latest mix (great as usual) and to some of his own 2021 golden glow mix. in the day he had been for two walks on the marshes (he will try and get in two more today). his health is returning. later maybe some babysitting. towards the end of the week he needs to go and chat to martin. 

yesterday he was getting into a premature summary of the year. it is good to remind himself that he gets up to stuff, that he gets things done. 

 

books, gigs, films, events november 2021

films/ podcasts etc. 

- island of the fish men (italo-lovecraft horror, owes more to the island of dr. moreau - sergio martino)

- dagon (spanish set lovecraftian horror)

- the case of charles dexter ward/ the whisperer in the darkness/ the shadow over innsmouth bbc podcast

- oncle yanco (agnes varda profiles jean varda and his aquatic lifestyle), alice coltrane 16mm documentary, sri chinmoy parade and gig

- the stalls of barchester and other bbc ghost stories for christmas

- shades of darkness (edith wharton, l.p.hartley ghost stories), 

- supernatural (1977 bbc horror)

- blood beast terror and kiss of the vampire (hammer horror)

- rivals of sherlock holmes (early episodes)

- UFO ( a few episodes from the first series)

-two teenage girls review 'don't fear the reaper'

- mc libel2 

- french connection 1

- a spiral of mist 

- talking politics podcast

- grenfell fire podcast

- hawkbinge podcast (25 years on)

- feast on this podcast (don campau incredible string band special)

- queen of spades (part)

- sergio martino interview

- assassino al cimitero etrusco (1982 italo horror sergio martino)

- tv adaptation of michael dibdin's cabal

books

- immortality (milan kundera)

- elizabeth costello (j.m. coetzee)

- the blueprint (theresia enzensberger)

- black snow and a country doctor's notebook (mikhail bulgakov)

- the craftsman (michael sennett) - first few pages

gigs none

events 

anniversary of recording of world galaxy, journey in satchidananda day, 6 months since horsemouth's last stroke of paid work, anniversary of regular service being established on blogspot

soon we will be ascending back up into the light (all be it but slowly)

good morning. good morning. good morning.

horsemouth's cough is improving. the coldness of the air set him off a little when he went for a walk yesterday. 

yesterday there was an online outage (it is strange how anxious this made horsemouth feel - did he not live decades of his life without access to the world wide web? in a world of books, and tv and diaries and letters). 

before that there was a strange boiler event (we were held hostage at the mercy of the water flow sensor). a friend (out of london) was without power because of storm arwen. when horsemouth's mother phoned horsemouth checked that his parents were ok - the storm had snapped off the top half of a fir tree 20ft up  (but fortunately not dropped it through the garage roof - it was a big tree). 

yesterday horsemouth felt a distinct pessimism, this morning he is feeling more optimistic. we are literally half way to the solstice from the quarter day, we are thus into not just the dark quarter of the year, but the dark eighth. soon we will be ascending back up into the light (all be it but slowly). 

in 2021 horsemouth played a gig (for the weirdshire people - thanks dudes). in 2020 he played no gigs but he did release an album (plus 2 EPs and a digital single as part of musicians of bremen). in 2021 he released no music. well ok he released a golden glow mix (to go with 2020s golden glow mix). 

he did however record in 2021 (with catastro/fille and with enza) but these recordings are temporarily stuck in process. PPE (peter, paul and enza - inactive since 2019) briefly reformed (and then unformed again). 

horsemouth already has a gig booked for 2022 (as musicians of bremen at water into beer - cheers martin).

in 2020 he worked on a film the fall of the house of fitzgerald (with catastro/fille and enza). in 2021 he voiced george lansbury for an animation of catastro/fille's for the centenary of the poplar rates rebels. he would (of course) like to do more such work in 2022. 

he has kept this blog going (past the demise of facebook notes tool) and on into the sunny uplands of blogger. he is writing more as he has fewer early starts and without the pressures of work and travel. really and truthfully though this is a diary rather than any form of publishing - it is the confusion of these two that gives it its unique flavour. the harry everett smith anniversary encouraged him to read various articles including one on ed sander's archive. 

horsemouth has two remaining tasks this year - the first a meeting of the communal endeavour, the second he needs to get his booster jab in (and then he is free to go and hide in the countryside). he will then be free to plan his retirement (or scuttle back to the comfort and regularity of work). 

today it looks greyish (but not impossible) out. he may be at a conference on zoom in the afternoon (or he may not).  he may be babysitting tomorrow (or he may not). 

back from out east (city slang)

horsemouth is back from out east (he does like it out there, it's like traveling back in time). 

first himself and howard tried out some songs then they went to the pub with pizza (two pints each and pizza - well howard had a carbonara pasta dish which he pronounced most excellent). then they relocated to the large empty pub on the corner which was selling volden session (one of their favourite beers). 

when questioned by howard about his musical plans horsemouth had to admit that his various collaborations were effectively stymied by circumstance at the minute and that probably the thing to do was to go off and woodshed  a new series of solo tunes. (so he is in a position to vary his live set). 

as usual horsemouth would gladly have stayed out longer (getting more and more incoherent) but at some point howard called a halt and sent him off home with a falafel wrap.

this is of course an expensive hobby for a poor mule to have. he really should try and do it less. the next opportunity for such things will be after the meeting of the communal endeavour in early december. thereafter horsemouth will get jabbed (his bertie wooster) and then it will be the solstice, horsemouth will (probably) be back with his folks and he doesn't tend to drink much there. 

back at home horsemouth continued watching the superstition series (horsemouth would have watched this in 77 as a kid - werewolves, ghosts what's not to like) and fell into a deep slumber. 

it looks like a cold and clear skies day out there. 

learning and playing other people's songs (the music itself delivers the answer)

it is the anniversary of the peter, paul and enza gig. (sadly it looks like the trio is back on hold for the next little while). 

horsemouth is of the opinion that you have to change the songs you do. he has never seen the point in 'playing it like the record'. as a young guitarist he wishes he had engaged more with learning and playing other people's songs. he would have learnt a lot from doing that.  

the change with horsemouth comes when he starts playing guitar round at people's parties (and round the campfire). at that point it becomes pretty much pointless to do anything else other than sing songs that people know.

at the moment all collaborations are on hold. in theory howard should have more time after christmas but he also has a backlog of his own songs he wants to get on with (and songs where he plays guitar this time).  enza and howard are too overworked to be getting on with things, catastro/fille is stuck putting lyrics on one tune (that would probably be better off with wordless vocals). 

people have their own creative processes and are constitutionally not inclined to take horsemouth's (admittedly self-serving)  'advice'. horsemouth is in a 'tetchy' part of the year where he is frustrated with humanity. probably the only thing to do is to sit down and 'woodshed' and work out another round of songs to record. 

the bert jansch (LA turnaround) film has surfaced again. it's a great document. bert is remarkably graceless here, and not just to the dude from the monkeys. and yet the music is awesome. red rhodes (amazing pedal steel on fresh as a sweet sunday morning)  and the other session dudes come across as sensible and hard working.

in a way too much talking and hanging out is a bad idea (it just gives you more chances to get on each others nerves). horsemouth is a great believer in the idea that the music itself delivers the answer - as soon as you start talking about the music you just drown it out. when things work they obviously work, when they don't that too is obvious. 

horsemouth is not process oriented, despite his manifestly limited talents he is in fact results oriented (he loves the moment when it comes together). this (and a fundamental lack of musical knowledge) is probably why he can't play jazz. 

it is 30 years since the death of harry everett smith (avant-garde film maker and compiler of the american folk anthology). we are 22/23 days off the winter solstice (the darkest day of the year). he is still a fortnight or so off his booster jab. horsemouth is supposed to be at a conference on zoom this morning (but the link hasn't appeared). 

on the debt farming of students (and pass the (accursed) parcel)

phew. horsemouth has made it to the weekend (once again).  the recycling is out (but strangely there's no sign of the binmen (hail the binmen). 

last night a virtual meeting of the communal endeavour (it's always a bit of a strange experience, like  being a ghost trying to contact the living). forward to the meeting with the people (to see what they think). 

'those who graduated in 2020 took out an average of £45,060 in loans, according to a report from the higher education policy institute'

one student sent a freedom of information request to the student loan company wondering if, at £61,000, his debt might be the largest in the UK. but in fact it turns out that medical students (and postgraduates) regularly end up owing £100k (which seems to be a bit of hurdle to get over before you can get to the main purpose of your working life, to save for your pension). 

but ladies and gentlemen. we have a winner! it in fact turns out we have an anonymous winner. 

the largest debt amassed by a student in england is £189,700. 

now this is a very special kind of debt. it is not just the fact that the interest rate charged on it is a whacking great 5.6%. 

one respondent to an online survey said that in the three years post-graduation their loan had increased from £49,510 to £60,081, and that (at this rate) by 2050 they would have £152,000 worth of debt.

our winner is thus not necessarily that exceptional and different from the herd - merely an early starter. 

'it (becomes).. a regressive tax on people from low income families.' because poorer students have to take out the highest maintenance loans and do not receive support from their parents. the debt and interest accrued on this hits them hardest.

this, horsemouth opines, is debt farming the middle classes, a raid on the wages of young workers. but it also strikes horsemouth as politically foolish. the youth must feel that there is a benefit to life under capitalism, that their brains and hard work is rewarded (otherwise what's the fucking point). horsemouth's parents generation definitely feel this reward and validation, horsemouth's generation less so, their children even less - and this is not a good political trajectory. 

horsemouth is fortunate in that he doesn't have the kids (his brother has the kids).  

horsemouth was also fortunate to be educated in the time of the student grant and with the financial support of his parents (who had benefited from the post war boom and the opportunities that wider access to education had provided). horsemouth basically scraped through his university degree and subsequent employment, launching into the devastation and conflict of the thatcher years. he has lived out a life (of reasonable comfort) on the margins and aims to slide gracefully towards the exit from the world of work into the land of pension.  

enough of him. what about the wider picture?

student debt is also a strange kind of debt. repayment does not start until the now ex-student starts to earn £27k (shortly to be dropped to £23k but still). 

there therefore exists the option (for the indebted student) of bouncing the debt onto the state by having a working life earning less than this  (if not deliberately then just due to marketplace conditions meaning low wages - such things as brexit or the coronavirus pandemic). now state debt (we are told) is very bad thing and must be purged with tax money (and money saved by cutting services and welfare programs).  

this is not a good look. 

it is a game of pass the (accursed) parcel between the banks and the state.  

of course the state is not just the debt collector of last resort but also the bank of last resort. above a certain point there must be a temptation not to pay the debt off but just to inflate it away. 

ah there's the binmen. 

it's a grey day outside. horsemouth will schlepp about. sten has just left for work. horsemouth is supposed to be virtually attending a conference on net zero saturday and monday (he will see if his invite has arrived).